Monday, April 18, 2011

How To Scare Your Momma

Step 1: Acquire a fan exactly like this one -

Step 2: Place fan on kitchen floor.
Step 3: Turn fan on high.
Step 4: Sit down beside fan.
Step 5: Wait for your momma to come and stand next to the fan with her back to it.
Step 6: Plunge stick deeply into wide gap at top of fan grill.
Step 7: Watch your momma jump and scream.
Step 8: Repeat as necessary.

(NOTE: I actually used a long feather instead of a stick. It made a surprising amount of noise after being ripped from my hands and getting caught in the fan blades, but I'm betting that a stick would make even more. The long handle of a pinwheel might work, too. Or a plastic fork. Feel free to use your imagination! Then come back and report the results here if you survive.)


  1. That's a really weird fan. Could you sit on it? Were you allowed?
    I bet it would've scared your momma worse if you'd stuck your arm in there and started screaming as it chopped your hand and sprayed blood all over the kitchen.
    I was always more interested in scaring my brother than my mother.
    Come to think of it, there'd have been no need to scare my mother if that fan had been in our house, because she would have been constantly scared that some kid would do just that.
    If she was ever in a parked car with a driver's side door open to the street she was always sure a car would come barreling down the street and knock the door off. And God help you if you had the door open like that and she could actually HEAR a car coming down the street to knock the door off. And even God couldn't help you if you had your butt stuck out into the street, because you'd be better off if the car hit you because you have got some sympathy instead of the evil eye for scaring her so much.
    I'll stop now. My mother is dead now and my official story that I am sticking to is that she worried herself into an early grave. The death certificate said, "Congestive heart failure," but they almost always do.

  2. Uh, isn't it supposed to be "yo Momma"?
    Anyway, ditto Deve that it's a really weird fan. Is it supposed to cool food on the table? Or do you sit on it?? Inquiring minds want to know!