Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Things In My Yard: Exhibit F

Just in case you were wondering, birds aren't the only things that make their way into my yard.

Last week a police citation also found its way there.


I've blotted out certain identifying data to protect The Guilty.

As near as I can tell from the unedited version of this citation, that Guilty Party is someone who lives in my neighborhood - or at least did when he was given this citation some 34 months ago.

Has this paper proof of improper driving really been out there blowing around all this time? I doubt it, given its remarkably good condition. Much more likely is that The Guilty Party had it taped to his windshield as a constant reminder to correct his evil ways until a gust of wind from Satan Himself dislodged it. Satan then allowed it to come to rest in my yard because I, for one, need no such reminders, being perfect and all already.

Much harder for me to comprehend is how a 1996 Plymouth came to still be on the road in 2009. And capable of speeding, no less! Maybe Satan's wind was pushing it from behind?

The hardest thing for me to comprehend, though, is this: Guilty Party was pulled over for speeding and couldn't produce a valid operator's license yet he was let off with a mere warning. Wow. Who knew police officers in Ohio could be so lenient?

Maybe that's why Guilty Party hung onto this citation for more than 2 years?

"Yep, Kristi, I once did 96 in a school zone without a license and managed to talk the cop who pulled me over into letting me go without a fine - here's proof!"

Then again, maybe it's an outrageous forgery put together by the cowbirds and doves to distract me while they secretly infiltrate my attic.

Guess I better go see....

(To see some of the other things that have turned up in my yard, go here.)


  1. Is the first name male? In my experience, the younger and cuter and femaler a person is, the more stories they seem to have that end with them getting a warning after being pulled over.
    Oh, lookit this:
    I think the captcha is jestredi hationfo. We'll see. It's getting harder to be sure.

    Cops in Ohio admit to giving female drivers 26% more warnings. I still want to see the stats broken down by age, which is only a partial indicator of potential attractiveness but the only one that gets written on the ticket.
    Just based on listening to people I am pretty sure there is "profiling" that goes on where young women are pulled over on suspicion of driving while being attractive. Also, I imagine it's an ego-trip for the officer, because the stop-ees mostly believe they flirted their way out of the ticket.

  2. "Is the first name male?"

    The first name looks like Glenn to me. I guess it might be Glenn Close, but... the last name is followed by a Jr., so... I'm guessing what we have here is a male.